Jessica,

Spot on; nobody ever wants to come off as stupid.

(Along the same line, always seems difficult for people to muster up the courage to say "It's my fault." )

Eric

You are so very right. It can be very frustrating... especially in work environments.

I used to be a business software consultant and I learned how important it is to admit when you don't know something. You ruin your credibility if you try to act like you know something that you don't.

Personally, I try to always make sure I'm ready to say both of the tough ones... "I don't know" and "I'm sorry". Both are important.

Hi Jessica

Very nicely said. I think it also has to do with being in a place in which you can allow yourself to be vulnerable. Do you trust your environment enough to be able to say "I DON'T KNOW"?

Davina

It's one thing to say "I don't know" to something in general. To spin it a little differently, one can feel a level of incompetence when they don't know something that they really should.

I used to ask an unanswerable question when interviewing a prospective employee, to see if they would admit ignorance or feign knowledge. Those that admitted were hired more often than those that didn't.

Coming across as stupid, expressing emotions & taking responsibility are the three hardest things to do so the three words "I love you", "I don't know" & "It's my fault" are all 3 word phrases that people find hard to express!

I 100% agree. What's interesting is that I SO appreciate when someone admits that - especially if they say, "I'll find out for you." In my opinion, it not only makes that person NOT look dumb, but also (for me) adds to their credibility. When they DO give me an answer about something, I'm more likely to believe that they know what they're talking about.

This is great Jessica! I think your final statement says it best. Very true!!

You are SO right about that. It never ceases to annoy me when someone acts like they know something when they don't. I want to shake them and say, "just say you don't know, dammit!" Perfect!

When I worked in the corporate world, I learned to follow "I don't know" with "but I will find out and get back to you". It put a positive spin on not having an answer and helped alleviate the stigma of appearing not knowledgeable enough to answer every question. Overuse of this method though could still cause one to be labelled unqualified and of course commitment to the follow up to actually find the answer and "get back to" whomever asked the question was essential.

Totally. I wish they taught new graduates that those words are magic to employer's. Always under-promise, over-deliver, ha.

I totally agree! If someone doesn't know all they have to do is say "I don't know but let me find out for you!" or "I don't know but lets find out together!" I would totally appreciate that more than someone giving me the "run around".

And not only that - but you are more likely to find out what you need to know. I've found that the people around me are astounding and brilliant. Willing to share, speak, and bless me with their wisdom. If I'm willing to listen. :-)

Angela <><

Those words are hard to say. But it also helps to see the positive in those words too and follow up your admittance of ignorance with a genuine and enthusiastic ..."but I'd love to figure it out!"

I agree completelyJessica! When we are willing to say, "I don't know" we are also liberating others to be honest about what they don't know. This opens up so much opportunity for learning and sharing all around. More than once, when I've shown my ignorance about something in a meeting by asking about it, later someone will say, "I'm so glad you asked that, because I didn't really understand it either."

I couldn't agree more! It so hard, it seems for people to utter those tiny, little words. I have this conversation with my husband all the time. And honestly, when someone tells me that they don't know something, I gain respect, not the other way around. Glad to see this.

its true!

This is a very wise and true statement.

Great post Jessica - short, sweet but thought provoking. How many of us have tried at some point to pull off we knew something when we really didn't. The more you show a client or colleague you are not within your comfort zone the more they respect you. Try it once and you will see it works charms. Cheers,

Andy

This is so true. But it's so liberating to just admit when you don't know and be opening to learning or figuring it out. But a great thought...thanks!

This is a poignant post. It's so true! Often, as human beings, we are so quick to want to show off our knowledge when sometimes there is nothing to show off. It is braver to admit that you DON'T KNOW something than to pretend to know it. I really appreciate this idea.

Jessica, I agree that people should admit "I don't know" more often. I started doing that a few years ago.

The problem I encounter is that whenever I admit to not knowing something, the other person's response is almost awlays, "Seriously?! You don't know that movie/actor/TV show/band/artist/song/city/etc.? How could you not know that?! What rock have you been living under?"

So, at least in my experience, I've been mature enough to admit I don't know something, but the people asking me the questions aren't mature enough to appreciate my honesty. After the above ridicule, my reply is usually, "Instead of wasting a minute making fun of me, why don't you spend that minute teaching me?" That rarely works though...again, most adults I've encountered are immature.

Funny, I've tried to teach the importance of this to my teen-age son. I don't know why it's hard for him - dont know if its a personality thing, a guy thing... I keep saying you can also add, 'I'll get back to you' to the end of I don't know. But for some reason it seems that statement makes him feel almost vulnerable.

odd